From Alley Cat to House Cat

I don't think much about Vancouver. It's not that I've forgotten, it's because when I do think about it, my heart hurts a little. It's a 'missing' feeling. I miss my friends, the beach, my life there. Moving to Vancouver untied me from a lot of things, some of which I didn't realize were holding me. One example would be that I learned from my time in Canada, that living in 900 square feet with only what you need to survive is liberating.
I'm not saying that I wish I was living there instead of here, I do love my comfortably sized house and garden. I love this house in Utah. Utah is in me, it's mine. I love the desert the most and someday I'd like to move a south, build a simple house that is mostly a studio with big windows and saltillo tile floors. There, my love and I will make artwork from dawn to dusk ...or dusk to dawn, whatever works. We'll collaborate and do our best work. That's a different story. The things that I'm tied to in this life right here are pretty great things. They are things that facilitate me just being a better person.

I dropped Dan Barney off at the airport this evening. He's on his way to Vancouver. He's been back since we moved but I haven't wanted to. I don't want to see it and fall in love with it all over again. I don't want to feel sad because I can't keep it for everyday. I know I could turn it around and be grateful I get to feel it and I get to love it and I get to have all of these experiences. I suppose I feel that gratitude as well.

I've gotten used to Dan Barney being the one who travels more. I feel like I've had my share and lately I prefer to be home painting and taking care of the our little kittens. But alas, later this week, I fly to meet up with Dan Barney in Vancouver. I'll get there right in time to hear his dissertation defense. This is a really momentous occasion. I'm so proud of him. By Friday afternoon, if all goes well, I'll be married to Dr. Dan Barney.

I'm nervous to go back, but I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm wondering if maybe seeing it as who I am now, I'll feel differently. Maybe it won't be as wonderful as I remember. Maybe it will be wonderful but I'll have grown another direction and I won't feel connected to it.

The artworks I posted remind me of the Vancouver rain and how it felt. I did a lot of moody artwork on those rainy days, weeks and months.