#1 Do I wish I could paint without my kids in my studio?
Here's how I see it. A friend once told me that there are really a few events in your life that matter, that make up your life experience, that count. Having children was one of those for me. It changed who I was, altered the meaning of life for me. I feel so very lucky to be a woman, that I got to grow babies inside of my body and feel that. If I was a man I think I'd be mad that I didn't get to do that. It was incredible. Then to sustain a baby from your own body...the best.
It's the same feeling having my babies with me in the studio. It feels good to have them in there and I'm so glad I didn't miss that. My girls are really good workers when they are making stuff; I know that not all kids are. There is this good feeling when we are in there working together. It's happy because we're making art. Also, there is only a short time that we'll get to do this. I'm down to my last kid only with me half a day. Frankly, I also like a little distraction. If I'm left too long intensely tapped into that creative part of me, pouring out all of that emotion and passion, I tend to get a little wiggedy-wacked in the head. I can get myself into a pretty big funk that way.
I'm not saying that I was always productive and that I didn't have frustrating days where I'd have to be rescued by my husband or my mother. There were also times where I tried to do too much and literally ran myself into the ground...I needed some rescuing. But, all in all it was good.
The complaints I have as far as not getting to work are more about the things that running a business, a household, and just the things life requires.
I also have learned to use the time when I am alone to work through my ideas. That's important.
If I was the main financial supporter of a family....how hard would that be? Hard. I felt a little of that pressure while my husband has been in school. Art sales are unpredictable. I did just fine but it took me years to get to this place where I bring in a steady income.
#2 Did having kids in the studio affect my style and method?
Absolutely. Before children, I painted on a larger scale. My painting was more direct and sort of emotional regurgitation... cathartic. I started painting on smaller panels because I could control that space in front of me in my chaotic surroundings with my babies in my studio. It's very different than the direction I saw myself working in. I thought of myself as more of a German Expressionist like Paula Modersohn-Becker. I also learned to paint faster because time was always an issue. I have more time now and my paintings are getting more involved. My paintings would have been very different without the contraints that I had to deal with. I appreciate those contraints. They have made my work what it is and who I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment