Tuesday, April 29, 2008
My Mind is a Playground
With much trepidation, I drive past what is now familiar. I park my car, stretch my legs and …run.
I’m outside. My mind is a playground. I begin a routine that I makes my mind rest, I focus on the smells of the trees, the sounds my feet on the pavement, the bright of the sun.
I am present.
I am a little fearful every spring to leave the safe routine of the gym to run outside. I’ve been followed and frightened while running and as a kid I was chased and bitten by two dogs. I think that’s where the trepidation comes from. I also know that being outside in the sun fills me up with that warm red light. That light that has a smell and a glow but doesn’t have a name. I think it’s something that some people recognize and feel and others just feel and some miss. I don’t want to miss it because I am afraid. I have recognized it and now I want to feel it.
When my kittens join me in the garden and those juicy bees start buzzing around them, they run into the house. I want to teach them that they can coexist with the bees if they just keep to themselves and ignore them. The bees are very busy buzzing around, doing what they do and those bees really don’t care about the kittens unless they feel threatened. The thing is, the worst that can happen is that a bee can sting. I’ve been stung. It’s hurts but then it goes away. I've learned from being stung and I know what it will feel like so I don't fear it. The poor bee is worse off for it in the end. I want my kittens to push past that fear so I too must push past my fear.
I feel the warm air on my shoulders and on my chest. Present and running, I get stronger. I run until my body aches but I can feel that red…and it feels good.