I am continuing to bask in domestic bliss, much to the delight of my children and a bit of bewilderment to the rest of my family. Dan came home the other night to a warm bowl of my first attempt at stew, his grin was satisfaction enough. I think I might have figured out where this drive, this compulsion is coming from.
I was catching up on my cousin's blog, sixintheworld.com when I read something that struck me. Anne wrote something about missing the 'togetherness' of traveling with her little family. I think that just might be exactly what I'm trying to hold onto.
In Vancouver we had that. It was just us. I didn't have so many other people around to feed and nurture my family. I felt loved by my friends and supported by my family from far away, but it was me who was responsible.
Now here at home, where we are so comfortable with our surroundings, I think I'm trying to maintain some of that togetherness.
When my little kittens arrive home from school, I want little treats with cute napkins for them. I want a clean, organized home with fresh flowers. I want to wear an apron and heals and kiss my husband as he walks in the door and hear about his day. I want yummy warm dinners at the table and a fire in the fireplace while we do homework together. I want to read with my babies, tickle backs, tuck them in and walk them to school again in the morning so that I can tell them all that I love them before sending them out into the world.
It all sounds like an old photo from the fifties. The thing is, sometimes it actually is that good. The other times I try to have a sense of humour and roll with it...except after nine because I get grouchy and tired then and nothing seems very funny or cute anymore.
I can see too with a teenager in the house that our moments of all being together won't be as easy in the future. This time, this beautiful time right now will shift into another time before we know it. I know better than to try to hold on, but I want to be present, not in the past or the future right now.