I cleaned up and fixed dinner and felt a sadness like a thick hot liquid pouring over my heart. It might have been the music I was listening too...I don't know. It was not a bad sad just a sad. It was Iron and Wine and I think the song said..."one of us will die here in these arms."Maybe it's some cosmic balance thing to even out the good feelings. Feeling sad is am emotion that I used to equate with failure. If I'm sad, I'm not feeling what I'm "supposed" to be feeling. Sad meant ungrateful or loss or self-loathing or anything bad. I don't think that anymore. I'm thinking now that it's alright to feel all of the emotions...just because. It seems to me, the only part to be critical of, is in how I choose to use those emotions. Did I paint with them, did that feeling make me more sensitive or did I bring others or myself down?
After sad I moved to sweet and warm because my babies have been helping more with the housework. Once in a while I feel like I'm doing alright with this mom business.
Now my littlest is reading to me...so sweet and beautiful. I'm tired but I'm glad that I get to feel. I'm glad for life's events that have pushed all of the emotions to their capacities. I'm glad I get to feel lots everyday. I'm glad life is challenging as opposed to boring. I'm glad for all of it.