Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sorry About That

I just blurted it out, a confession. The memory must have come back to me because of the way we were laying there. It was just the two of us watching a movie after everybody else went to bed and even though she's so grown up, she still snuggled up to me, teetering on the edge of the couch. I held her tight and told her I was sorry for that night when I set her down for just a second so I could grab her earache medicine from the kitchen and she rolled off the couch onto the hard wood floor. She was a tiny baby and while we both cried, I felt so bad and so guilty, like I had failed as her mother. I asked her to forgive me, then when through a list of bad mothering moments I was sorry for. She laughed and said it was alright and we watched the rest of the movie.
As we were turning out the lights, ready to head upstairs to bed, she grabbed my hand and said, "look in the mirror, that's funny!" It was funny, we were standing there hand in hand and she was so much taller than me.

It all happened so fast, her growing up. Today I was at the hospital, touching the tiny foot of my nephew, less than an hour old. I was in awe with the beauty of it all, from the hospital to driving and shopping for a prom dress. And though I have made and continue to make mistakes, I felt lucky and grateful for these people in my life that I get to love.
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Bobbie said...

I took my 13-year-old to the doctor yesterday. The nurse weighed him and checked his height. He's taller than I thought he was--5'8" instead of 5'7"--and I thought, "Wow. Where was I for that last inch?"

Lisa Lisa said...

Aww, that's so sweet. I remember you being pregnant with her, walking around school in your awesome fuschia tights and black mini skirt. You are the coolest...seriously! xoxo

Deanna said...

I loved reading this during my lunch break. However, I kept wiping my eyes.

Cassandra Barney said...

Lisa! That is funny. I was as wide as I was tall. Who thought fuschia tights and a mini skirt were a good idea?


Cassandra Barney said...

Deanna did you let your baby roll off the couch too?

Deanna said...

Okay, NO, I never had a baby fall off the couch. I was getting teary eyed because it was just all so tender...the bonding moment, the guilty-failing mother feeling, etc. It was just such a nice post all wrapped up with an "I'm having a major mom connecting moment" to it. I just read it again and felt the same way.


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