I cleaned up and fixed dinner and felt a sadness like a thick hot liquid pouring over my heart. It might have been the music I was listening too...I don't know. It was not a bad sad just a sad. It was Iron and Wine and I think the song said..."one of us will die here in these arms."Maybe it's some cosmic balance thing to even out the good feelings. Feeling sad is am emotion that I used to equate with failure. If I'm sad, I'm not feeling what I'm "supposed" to be feeling. Sad meant ungrateful or loss or self-loathing or anything bad. I don't think that anymore. I'm thinking now that it's alright to feel all of the emotions...just because. It seems to me, the only part to be critical of, is in how I choose to use those emotions. Did I paint with them, did that feeling make me more sensitive or did I bring others or myself down?
After sad I moved to sweet and warm because my babies have been helping more with the housework. Once in a while I feel like I'm doing alright with this mom business.
Now my littlest is reading to me...so sweet and beautiful. I'm tired but I'm glad that I get to feel. I'm glad for life's events that have pushed all of the emotions to their capacities. I'm glad I get to feel lots everyday. I'm glad life is challenging as opposed to boring. I'm glad for all of it.
3 comments:
Hi Cassie--it's Amanda (Marriott)--you know, the girl at Michael's-- Just stopped by to visit your blog..your paintings for your show are so WONDERFUL! I'm going to be in Park City next week, so I'll stop by and see them for sure. Hope your day is happier--turn off that sad melancholy music and put in some Maroon 5! :)
I think it's fine to feel sad, even if you feel you have no reason. Sometimes it's just hormonal, other times I think, it's so we can feel even happier when we are happy.
I love you, thanks for your help with the snow this morning. You are so sweet to look out for me. I'm sure Manuel, or Jose, or Enrique or whoever he is, appreciated your muscles today also. xoxo
It is funny because I was going to say that I totally understand what you are saying, but part of the creative sorrow and happiness that more sensitive/artistic people feel is so beautiful because it is theirs alone. Sometimes I think that that is why it is so emotional to share your art with others. It is such a raw expression of your emotions. Oh, I have so much to say on this but don't want to appear too strange. I appreciate you admitting the sadness though. :)
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