No rain, no rainbows.
Friday night at the end of my show, as I started to let down and feel the tired from exerting all of that energy... and I was drained. I felt so much love from so many beautiful people that night but I still felt like someone had unplugged my heart and head. I asked Brian Kershisnik if after a show he falls into a funk and he said that he always does. He said he was in one right then actually because he had just finished a big project. I was glad to hear it because sometimes I feel like I'm not emotionally armed for this job.
My husband is sweet and patient and picks me up and brushes me off and waits for it to pass. My dad listens to me cry and reminds me that I should expect it and that it'll pass and not to make any rash decisions in this state of emotion and that it's just part of the job. My babies give me a little space to recover...and then, a tiny little dot at a time, the color starts to reappear in my face. I get an email from Adah, my model in Vancouver that she has had her baby and she loves him. My daughter writes me a funny little letter and Dan fixes a super good dinner. I get two books about the symbolism of flowers in the mail that perk my interest in designing new work, and then I get a phone call from Gretchen Elsner who's very voice puts a smile on my face. She an amazing artist and person and makes me want to be like her. I get love from my family in word and action and I feel that love and want to give it back.
...and the funk is gone. Sigh. Whew. Now I'm ready and excited to get back to life and painting.
Passion is the force that springs an artist from the needling cushion of depression. Robert Genn
5 comments:
dont you think the funk means you did your job beautifully? just like parenting when you give all of your heart and soul it can leave you empty and blue sometime. but then the clouds clear and you see the stars swirling around. i love your paintings so much because i feel the energy and care you put to the canvas. they surely make any viewer inspired. i hope you dont mind suffering the funk now and again so these beautiful gems can come to reality
Thank you so much. Ya, you're right. It's worth it. Everything has a price. I'm just glad I can pop out of it in a day. It makes me feel compassionate for people with depression problems. It also make me feel grateful to good people who are patient and care.
Cheers, Cass
True story, NASA engineers often drop dead of heart attacks and strokes right after a launch. Healthy guys with no health problems or risk factors dropping dead for no apparent reason. When they researched it, doctors realized the the stress of the job was certainly a factor. But a lot of the engineers would get laid off until the next launch. It seemed the stress of nothing to do was worse than the stress of lots to do. Aren't you glad you have kittens?
We definitely need "the funk" sometimes so that when we pop out on the other side we can recognize the goodness that is around us. I love the Passion quote - I need to find my inner crafter again. Let's get some Holiday Hearts going!
Nigel if I didn't have kittens, I'd probably forget to leave my studio and I'd have to live on walnut oil until it ran out and then I'd accidentally drink some varnish and die a tragic, romantic painter's death. Really, all the things that take time from painting are vital to my mental health. I'm sure you would agree. Doing nothing is the worst thing I could think of.
Batty...let's do. I can't even wait. I wish it was tonight. Maybe this weekend!?
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